Scoundrel

I know this post is overdue but with good reason- Well, I fucking did it. I graduated. It's all done and over with. I gave my old lady all the semantics she thrives on, I shook the hands of scholars and public figures alike, I sat for two and a half hours to receive a paper that tells me I busted my ass for 4 years. It was worth it. Once the all that come-back-to-me-daddy emotion washed over me, I got to bathe in my accomplishment. Oddly enough, it didn't feel like it was for me and I don't think it was. Fuck it.

Now i'm 18, paired with a car and a head full of ideas. The possibilities, of course, are endless but in actuality I am limited. But I don't plan to adhere by the standards my brothers have set so low. I'm getting a job as hastily as possible and my girlfriend and I have already found a temporary place of living for $500 a month at our good friends house. We can split that and make the rent easy, without legit jobs. It's easy. She needs to escape from the legal imprisonment that is being underaged with a crazy mother and I just have to escape the fear I have that i'll end up a low-life nothing that sits in his mothers home, mooching, and waiting for life to come back his way. That or just become a drug addict. Either way my family would be no stranger to it, and i'd just be another accident waiting to be erased.

My friend from Jew Jersey tells me all his old friends get fussy with him about moving back to his old town and how he left them, when he really had no choice. The distance that grows is sometimes inevitable. I understand how he feels, no one wants to change the good but the good still lives on with or without you there. That's just life.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for around 4 or 5 months now. Neither of us are too sure, but the uncertainty is kind of comforting. There's no standards for how we should be, we just are us. My friends love it, they say we are two rebels. She's the Bonnie to my Clyde. We are Mr. & Mrs. Smith, better yet. Her families beyond complicated and when she's not being chased out of her house by her mother or being harassed by the police and children services that are familiar to her house, she's here at my house with my family who undoubtedly treat her like their own. She's 17 with an attitude to boot. Already in college, we're both making it point to break away and live independently as soon as possible.

I lost my phone by the way. Not that it's so bizarre, but there is a new cellular victim.

I am really bad at keeping in touch, some people see it as forgetting the past.

Really, the future is just so much more apparent. I miss my old life and old friends.

But for now, well, i'll be damned if I let myself give in to faltering strength.

It's time to move out, go to college, and not get arrested. I'll do my best.