Storm In A Tea Cup

I was just thinking.

And, I know i'm telling myself the truth when it actually bothers me.

I see it as a sign that it must mean something because it takes a lot for something to get to me.

But I told myself I had a problem, and then I stopped and really thought about it.

And I got choked up. It's like i'm so hurt by it, but deep down it's something I know I tried to ignore.

So, I know it's true in a way.

I told myself I was becoming my dad, and that I tried to be like him and so I abuse drugs and alcohol (mainly alcohol) but work functionally in society.

It's like the only way I can keep him alive in me, so i'll do what ever it takes.

Because sometimes I find myself saying I hate him.

And it sucks because I don't remember who he is, but only who he was.

He's my ghost thats being carried away.

And so I use it to justify my issue. Like everyone other issue I have.

I know I do. I know. But it's not changing anytime soon. Which is also the truth.

I'm functional, remember. Society's accepted.

I just know how to handle my storm in my tea cup and not let it out.It gets me anxious thinking about what its like to be better. Because I don't know what that would be like anymore. I might not be good at it, and then just become a fuck up in society. There is no gift without a cost.

I feel like a lot of this was worded poorly.

But I get my main point across.

I'm Elijah Velazquez and I most likely am an alcoholic.

But not a public one, at least.