Hold It... Hold It... FIRE

I'm currently sitting up in my bed that's full of items that were once displayed around my room. We're doing some... remodeling. We've split up a room into two rooms and have added a mini hallway. Currently; my room has no door, and neither do two other rooms that are apart of the choreographed demolition. So here is where most of my time won't be spent as it's occupancy limit is low and the Mexicans for hire seem to occupy mucho espacio.

Not to long ago, I had a break down. It was the worst i've seen in a long time. I know why I did, but thats neither here nor there. I laid in bed from the time I got home till about 6. Same

position, just pondering. Before i knew it I was thinking of why I was sad in the first place. Not

at-the-moment-sad but overall-sad. For me, it's all about forgiveness. Whether I can forgive

myself for all the things I know I can't control. The thing is, and I know it's so obviously trite,

I just can't forgive myself. For anything. Someone has to be accountable. I cried for maybe 30

minutes. What a hell of a cry it was. Usually I cry for .5 seconds and then it's gone. But this time

around, when it rained it poured. It's these times I pray to God the most. I think I talk to God

more than my friends who claim to be Christians. Not that it matters, it's just interesting.

School is pretty ok. My report card came back A, B, B, C, A, B. Pretty awesomeeee. And plus I have an A in my online economics class and a B in my online geometry class. It's so ironic

because most of the time i'm stoned and people always silently judge me for it, but i'm doing

great. I'm more productive high on weed then sober on cynicism.

I love my friends. All of them. In all there shapes, sizes, colours, beliefs or lack thereof. It's something of an anomaly however, how people take refuge in me. So often at that. Me,

being so secretively out of wack, I still craft this mask of someone who is so content. People like

who I can be for them is all it is. And what's worse is that, for the sake of me feeling any self

worth, I continue to pretend to be okay just so all my friends can feed off it. It's fair in a way.

We all get what we need, whether we fully understand how we get it or not.

I've come to a realization that some things just need to be, to be normal. The world is a disillusioned

island full of confused hearts and lazy eyes. This is our reality.

"Why are you drinking?" the little prince asked. "To forget," replied the drunkard.

"To forget what?"inquired the little prince, who was already feeling sorry for him.

"To forget that i'm ashamed," confessed the drunkard, hanging his head.

"What are you ashamed of?" inquired the little prince, who wanted to help.

"Of drinking!"