Ordinary People

Taking the time to decode text.

"It was like.. falling into a hole? It was like falling into a hole and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. And you can't get out. And then all of a sudden it's inside and you're the hole. And you're trapped and it's all over. Something like that. And it's not really scary, except it is when you think back on it."

I think it is a blessing to live a certain way. To have a certain aspect on life. That everything is correlated from within, and you create what you have personally. Like happiness. If you want it you can have it. I hear that so much. I'm told that so much. And the thing is, it's not that anyone's wrong or i'm right. It's just not the same for anyone.

Some time's thing's happen that you can't control; like your brother drowning, or your dad dying in a car accident.

And sometimes, a lot of the times, you can't control what happens next. To you, to the world, to how you feel, see, sleep, hear, laugh, cry. Some time's it's like your starting from scratch and everyone else in the world is already twenty steps ahead of you because they've been doing their thing for awhile now. And no one knows what it's like to start from scratch anymore. So you're all by yourself while everyone is expecting you to catch up. But they just forgot how long it really takes to get where they are. So I can't blame them. I can't blame anyone. I only blame myself, and I shouldn't. But i'm still learning that, you see? I'm still getting through the motions. I wonder if I want to be the person I define myself in words as, or the person I have to let figure them self out first.

The scary part is that this all, every single last piece of the equation, is all normal. I'm an ordinary person. Then why do I still feel so fucking unordinary?