To Satellite

You know those people who always seem to have drama in their life? I mean, we all know they love it. They create that which they live because it gives them all the rhyme and reason they need to live. All the constant bickering and fighting and crying, it all leads up to feeling. Some people just need to feel something, anything, to know their alive.

I do that, I realize. But not drama. I create my own emotional pain. Not with other people, but just within myself. If I hurt, then I remember that i'm still alive. I don't act out or tell everyone about. It's sole audience is me, myself, and I. I make myself think of all i'm missing and all i've lost to feel those feelings of regret and absence. I'm happy, I truly am, but I feel so dead. It's a paradox I guess.

How do the birds know that they get where they wanted to go? Is there trial and error? I think they're the lucky ones. Eat, shit, sleep, sex, and battle for survival. We do all that and have to still deal with the burden of knowledge.

Don't get me wrong, I love learning, and absorbing more and more. But understand that with knowledge comes the burden of understanding.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. My poor diluted soul.